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Often, we remember a good talk not so much for its precise words as the speaker’s actions. Yet, although non-verbal communication constitutes 93% of your impact, many struggle with getting it right. Remember, non-verbal communication can’t be ‘acted’. Your body language is a manifestation of your thoughts. So, think clear, think positive, think confident — and your body will reflect the same!
Making a great visual impact isn’t hard with these steps:

Identify Style: Your non-verbal messaging comes from your personality — it’s hard-wired to you. Drastic changes will make you look inauthentic. Therefore, observe yourself speaking and identify your style — do you speak too fast? Do you stroke your chin or laugh often? Recognize your speaking characteristics — and don’t worry if you don’t fit a stereotypical mould.

Lively Voice: Don’t focus on the audience response. Don’t worry, “Is this going well? Am I making an impact?” These thoughts distract you from your subject, making your speech sound lifeless and monotonous. Keep your mind committed to the larger purpose of what you’re saying, how critical it is and how useful your talk can be. These thoughts fire up your passion — and your voice reflects this.

Smile: Don’t take yourself too seriously and get wound up. Connect with your audience as people. Do flash a warm smile as you greet your audience and begin and end your presentation.

Be Handy: Utilize your hands in a presentation as you normally would — never use a pointing finger or dig your hands into your pockets.

Shining Eyes: Use your eyes to really ‘speak’ to the audience. Remember — bright, enthusiastic eyes sway audiences fastest!

Try these steps — your actions will speak louder than words.

Its sad but true. Good news is no longer news at all. It is considered BAU- Business as Usual.

Whenever I do managerial skills development programs, the topic of “feedback” is often a much awaited and popular one. Here, the discussion and learning is usually focused on techniques for a manager to provide feedback to team members as also developing the right mindset and skills for receiving feedback from team members, and of course from their supervisor (“bosses”). Without exception, most of the examples that participants come up with to practice are about providing negative feedback. Somehow, the word feedback has got associated with providing negative or corrective feedback. Whereas the word itself has no such assumptions built into it.

Feedback is nothing but the sharing of information, about how certain behaviours of a person are being perceived by others and an ensuing discussion about the impacts, the root causes and alternate choice of behaviours if relevant.

Yet, when it comes to giving feedback, managers only think of behaviours they wish to change in their team members. When I ask them why this association, the answer is, “because that’s all that we also seem to get all the time”. The sad truth is that managers often choose to have feedback discussions only when things are going wrong, are disappointing, results are not met and some negative behaviours are observed. Some aggressive behaviour at a meeting, some slipped deadlines, some late comings at office, some errors in reporting all become worthy of “discussion”. These events are highlighted , debriefed in detail, facts are stated and root causes are discussed. Emails fly back and forth with Ccs marked all over discussing the big issue. All these events become “news worthy” and are often also noted down for end year and mid year appraisals.

However, when I ask the same managers how they receive positive feedback, the same is not true. When things go well, the person usually just receives a simple pat on the back or a few words of kudos, some big remark (you’re great good job!) or just a word of thanks. No discussions are merited, no emails are circulated and no questions are asked.

Its true we take what’s going well, for granted, Be it our health, our relationships and our careers.

As long as things are good, we don’t take the efforts to notice whats good, we don’t take the time to sit peacefully, be grateful for and appreciate what we have. Apart from a cursory thought in a happy moment we don’t spend time deliberating and enjoying our good times. Yet when things go wrong we get into top gear, …and sadly its not always in action, but in our talks and discussion, negatively spiralling conversations, investing a lot of our time and energy into highlighting whats wrong and investing energy in rectifying.

Yet little do we realise, that when we do take time to sit back and enjoy the good things, celebrate the small things that are going well, acknowledge and be grateful for the little acts that bring us joy, we will energise our bodies, minds, teams and all people around us, bringing in more motivation and enthusiasm to bring forth one’s best.

Good news should also be as much news worthy as bad. In fact more! Let’s make as much a big deal about positive feedback as well do about the bad.

Let those events also be reason for discussion, identifying root causes that led to good outcomes, let people talk about how they achieved those good outcomes and what they learnt about themselves.

In fact in my experience I’ve seen and positive psychology also talks about, how,

Giving someone specific positive feedback puts psychological pressure on the individual to repeat that positive behavior to reinforce his/her ideas self image again and again.

Why then should you forego the benefits of making “positive feedback” news as well? Treating good behaviours and efforts lightly and without due deliberation can make people’s efforts feel minimised, taken for granted and eventually, everything feels like a thankless job.

So go ahead and make headline news with your positive feedback. Make it specific, identify the positive outcomes, let people feel noticed and acknowledged, Let them talk about how they achieved those outcomes and the strengths that they put to use, And see how positive headlines continue to hit your newspapers! After all good news should also be NEWS!

“Its just too much work!…A relationship should not be so much hard work”, is something I heard a friend say to me as we talked about his decision to split up with his wife. They had been having some tensions for a while now. While his wife recommended visiting a counsellor, discussing what they could do to mend their relationships, even suggesting going away on a vacation to rekindle their relationship, my friend was clear that he wanted out of the relationship. His belief being that if the relationship took so much “working on”, then it wasn’t worth it anyway. That left me thinking, was it that the effort was too much for the relationship or the relationship was not worth the effort?

HIs logic was that a relationship was meant to provide support, succour, care and strength and if the relationship itself started requiring support, care and effort, instead of providing all that, then it was perhaps a relationship that deserved to end.

But then, doesn’t everything useful need work to maintain, preserve and strengthen it from time to time, sometimes even daily?

Everything that works for you needs work from you.

Don’t our houses that protect us and nature us, need renovation and repairs? Don’t our bodies that serve us moment to moment need rest, nutrition, workouts and the occasional medication and treatment to keep them productive and healthy? Don’t our cars that we cant do without need the quarterly upheaval and servicing? Doesn’t our mind need the daily sleep, rejuvenating vacations, recreation and meditative breaks to keep it healthy? In fact, the more we need and depend on something.. the more we lean on and use something, the greater the maintenance and work it needs.

Same goes for relationships right? The more important a relationship, that is, the greater our dependence on it, the higher the wear and tear it undergoes. And hence, what is wrong about it when it calls out for repair and maintenance? Nothing can continue to serve you until you serve it well in return. You can only get out what you put it. Often we are allowed to overdraw from these things, from our body, our assets, our friends and our family relationships. But it cant be expected to be the norm forever. The more something is worth, the more important it is to work on it, to keep it strong and healthy.

If a body part is injured, it doesn’t mean it is useless and we don’t throw it out, do we? We rest it, treat it, heal it. If we don’t perform well at one task, we don’t just leave our job; we learn, get trained, take feedback and enable ourselves. Because we value our body, our job. Of course after all attempts at repair and restoration, if something still remains damaged, unusable and a threat to the rest of us, then sure, we get rid of it. But that would be our last refuge and forgivable. But throwing it out simply because it demanded one to work on it, is hardly excusable.

So if something is worth it to you, put all you’ve got into it to make it work. But, if you just don’t have the will to begin to work on it, then maybe its time to admit that it wasn’t worth that much to you to start with.

“Please tell me how to go ahead forming the team you want me to for the annual conference.” reads a reply from a qualified lady, with over 10 years of experience in a managerial role! (Really?!!)

“ Please approve the email i have written to our vendor, I am not sure if this is how it should sound” another email from an experienced buyer in the procurement team, to his boss. (Haah, you don’t know??)

“I am not sure I am fit to continue in this role, I would like to resign”…a desperate resignation from a young turk, from a premier management institute. (giving up already?!)

This is what too much measurement and review can do to an individual.

It is true that when you put measurable goals for individuals, it becomes a clearer target and also progress can be tracked better, issues can be spotted earlier and overall, things get done! however, what i also see is too much measurement . Meticulous and constant review of goal versus achievement, on-going identification of even the smallest errors and deviations from expectations  can all become signs of a pathological manager.

A leading company that recruits management trainees from leading IT and MBA schools is suffering high employee turnover as well as poor employee performance. This in spite of having the ‘best brains’ in the industry and a demanding placement process. When investigated, it appears that the management trainees work on several small projects throughout the first year, some lasting 90 days to 6 months. Each project has a mid-project and end-project review done by the project manager, analysing the performance of the employee. on that project. Their participation in every meeting they participated in is evaluated…did they speak enough, did they contribute,  did they ask the right questions, did they present themselves well enough etc. And each time, true to human nature (and of course a boss’ “responsibility”), the focus is on the ‘improvement areas”! Imagine receiving a ‘critique’ of your work almost every week! What else can it do but leave these people feeling paranoid about themselves. Many end up with feelings of low self worth, insecurity and inadequacy. Many who are more sensitive than the others, give up and quit, often to join at lower positions and salaries because of their now diminished self confidence.

Take this other organization, with a high priority on performance and financial success. They want to ensure that every rupee they invest yields a return. Productivity is given so much importance, that every slip in performance, every small error and every small delay is noticed, ‘reviewed’ and feedback is provided. Very clear monetary and non monetary targets are set, and these are continuously scrutinised to ensure like a Six sigma human productivity. This leads to a debilitating sense of fear, anxiety and pressure. and like a vicious cycle, these feelings perpetuate the very mistakes and slips the organization is trying to avoid! It leaves even senior managers, experienced individuals feel afraid to take decisions, bring in their own ideas and creativity and makes them walk on egg shells constantly. Then they are accused of not taking the inititative, not showing ‘entrepreneurial spirit” and making too many errors!

Its true that feedback presents a mirror to oneself and can aid in self awareness. But you can’t do anything meaningful standing in front of that mirror! it can only make you super self conscious, making you focus on your blemishes, your double chin, your paunch!

The solution lies in allowing people to work un-self-consciously, allow them to immerse themselves in their work without judgment or measurement and you will see in that individual, more self assurance, self confidence and hence better performance and motivation.

So what is the magic balance? I’d say, do measure, but not from a perspective of finding what’s not working but to appreciate what is.  Praise as much as you criticise, operate from trust and belief in people rather than doubt and scepticism. Don’t keep measuring performance, breathing down people’s necks. Let people be, allow them their learnings curve, give them time to grow into their own and demonstrate their competence. Do set measurable goals, but dont keep measuring feverishly.

Its true, what gets measured gets done…but we must also know that too much measurement: feedback, correction, evaluation,  can get people un-done!

This morning my friend Divyesh and I were talking about how we both want to read the Bhagvad Geeta. I mentioned to him how i had wanted to read the epic in my mother tongue Gujrati and hadn’t managed to even get started! Just the thought was intimidating! I also told him how my dad was such a fluent Gujrati scholar and my mother, even being a non Hindu, had read so many scriptures in Gujrati and Sanskrit. And to be reading like them would be a Herculean effort. I told him, I’d have to stand on my toes, on a very high ladder to even touch the base of the level that they were at! At this, he made a statement that was just so powerful….all he said was, i trust you can do it…you don’t need a ladder or be standing on your toes….all you need to do is stand up!

Such a wonderful thought! so often we think of a task that we want to accomplish but start thinking of it as difficult. Not just difficult but we exaggerate it in our mind and imagine the whole long journey and then get so overwhelmed that we give up before we even start. We thereby deprive ourselves of some of the wonderful experiences we so desire.

If we just ‘sit’ thinking about it, its going to look really hard and unreachable…all we need to is stand up and pull ourselves up, using our abilities, our strengths and get moving. We often prefer to believe it is out of our league, doubt our ability and maybe then somehow that becomes an excuse to not even try doing it. This absolves us of that task, we put it aside and that provides a temporary balm, not realising that the only one who is losing is us.

All we need to do is ‘stand up’ ..we don’t need to be on toes, don’t need a ladder, just the will to stand up and get moving. We undermine our abilities and believe others are just better endowed, When the truth is we are consummately perfect and have whatever it takes to go out and experience the things we want to, if only we get started.

So, i have decided, little less doubting and a little more believing, a little less dreaming and a little more doing!

I am going to ‘stand up’ to fill up the gap between what my fingers can touch and where i want to reach. Are you going to stand up too?

Having to present with little or no time to prepare can be greatly distressing. But today, such situations are more the rule than the exception. Here is what you can do to rise above these:

1. Never declare your lack of preparedness or apologize to the audience for the lack of it. What they don’t know can’t harm them!
2. Since you are unlikely to have all the data needed or the time to build fool-proof arguments, make your presentation more conversational than confrontational , more dialogue than download.
3. Here’s are simple building blocks to build your presentation quickly and powerfully:
   1. Begin with thanking the audience for the opportunity to present and find something worth appreciating about them.
   2. State the objective of your talk in brief making sure to indicate that they are also participants in your speech

• Share 2-3 key points of useful context building – what was the original objective of the project, where it stands now, who is involved, what are the benefits and consequences of the topic at hand etc.

1. Propose (not declare) your conclusions
2. Open up your speech to comments and questions to involve the audience
3. Listen well, probe, acknowledge others and assert your own ideas and build on others’. Let the presentation evolve!

Allow yourself to be delighted with whatever emerges. Sometimes the unpremeditated mind works more miracles than the practiced one. Finally, cut yourself some slack! Don’t stress out trying to score 100% under constraints. Make the audience your allies, smile and believe in yourself!

Though non verbal communication constitutes 93% of your communication impact, many struggle with getting it right. Here are a few  tips to great impact.

• Non verbal communication cannot be ‘acted out’. Body language is nothing but a manifestation of your thoughts. So think clear, think positive and think confident and your body will reflect the same!
• A lot of our non-verbal messaging comes from our personality and is rather hard-wired. Any drastic change would only make you look inauthentic and lose credibility!  Rather identify your own unique style, “own” it and don’t worry if you don’t fit a stereotypical mould.
• Smile! : Don’t take yourself too seriously and get all wound up. Speak with your audience connecting with them as ‘people’ and not with the ‘roles’ that they play. Flash a warm smile as you greet, start and end your presentation.
• Breathe life into your voice: Don’t focus your thoughts on the outcomes of your talk and the response you think you are getting from the audience like, “Do they agree? “Is this going well?, I am making an impact””. These thoughts distract you from your subject resulting in your speech sounding lifeless and monotonous. Rather, keep your mind committed to the larger purpose of what you are saying, how critical it is, how useful your talk can be.

Fire up your own passion, and watch your voice reflect it.

• Use your hands while speaking as you normally do. Just take care never to use the pointing finger, open palm gestures or digging your hands into your pocket.

Finally, your eyes are the invisible reins to your audience. Use them to connect and really speak’ to’ the audience rather than ‘at’ them. Shiny eyes lit up with enthusiasm are infectious!