- Welcome the question and pause to make place it. Acknowledge the others’ point of view as well as their feelings. Empathise even if you don’t agree e.g. “I know that can be frustrating” or , “Sure that sounds contradictory”
- Inquire into the question asking him to elaborate his understanding of the matter. This will help you nail the real issue and give a more relevant answer.
- Avoid using aggressive ‘YOU’ phrases that could make the situation worse e.g. ‘Like I already told you’. “Of course …”, “See.., you don’t realise…” “let me tell you that….”. Use “I” phrases instead e.g. “I believe that.., I feel.., in my experience and understanding…”
- Listen patiently to the entire question without interrupting, first try to find parts to agree with and then state your opinion explicitly with data using statements like “ Basis this info, I have reason to believe that…”
- Check if the question has been answered. “Does that help you clarify your thought ? does that answer your question? does that sound reasonable? . And if the answer is no, probe again into the areas of disagreement.
- Finally, don’t get emotional, remember to separate fact from feeling. Accept your feelings but respond only to the facts. Remember the aggression is not necessarily about “you”. Often they are only manifestations of the others person’s needs and frustrations. Accepting this respectfully, not personalising it and isolating the objective parts of the argument can help you both move the argument to a productive close.
5 Quick Tips to Connect with your Audience
- Talk ‘to’ your audience not ‘at’ your audience: Don’t get caught up in content and ‘download’ it to your audience. Present like you are having a “conversation with many individuals’ rather than “delivering toa crowd’.
- “Tell and show”, don’t “show and tell”: When you first show a slide and then talk about it, the slide takes the lead. Rather, end your earlier slide by raising a logical question/issue(addressed on your next slide) and then show the next. That way,youlead and the slide follows.
- Communicate to “express’ and not to ‘impress” Don’t stress about the right , tone, body language, vocabulary etc. Rather immerse yourself in the message, visualise what you are saying and express your thoughts with conviction and you will impress them anyway!
- Create a story not a slide deck:Don’t start making a power point presentation staring at a blank laptop screen. Rather start with a blank sheet of paper, asking yourself: why are you presenting? What do you want the audience to think /feel? What problems do you want to solve? And then build your slides to create a compelling story. Sharing personal experiences often helps.
- Use the ‘fishing bait” in the form of using the word “YOU (R)” at least 3 times in the first 5 sentences: (Your current situation, what you need, how this presentation will help you). This will ensure you ‘hook’ your audience. Researching your audience’s needs is a must-have.
A presentation is but a ‘present’ that you give your audience, of yourself and your thoughts. Put your thoughts, convictions and passion into it to make your ‘present’ memorable.
Audience, there’s a butterfly in my stomach!
It is said that second to the fear of death, is the fear of speaking in public. If you often experience butterflies flitting frenetically in your stomach before a presentation, then read ahead!
- Being nervous is good news! It means that you care deeply about the outcome of your talk. This commitment, when channelized correctly, is what can make you a ‘passionate’ speaker.
- Practice, practice, practice!!! The thumb rule for practice before a presentation is 21 spoken rehearsals! Beautifying and editing slides till the very last minute do not count as practise. Rather, while practicing, talkthroughyour speech, speak out loud on the key message of each slide asserting benefits to the audience. Clock time of your talk. For added confidence, try ‘teaching’ someone else the subject of your presentation. After all, you learn best what you teach!
- Don’t worry about ‘pleasing’ everyone: Rather align the audience to a mutually beneficial result: highlight the common purpose and reiterate a shared positive outcome. Being needy for appreciation and acceptance can make you weak.
- Don’t make presentation into battlefields. Consider the audience to be your allies and not Be inclusive in your presentation. Pause from time to time to ask open questions like “So how do you feel about this?” or “Let me pause here for your comments “ and acknowledge their responses with statements like “Yes, that doubt is valid” or “I agree, that viewpoint is worth considering”
- Lastly, don’t take yourself too seriously. Not everyone there is evaluating you! We give ourselves too much credit! Relax, smile and get a perspective. Learn to laugh at yourself if you goof up. We all have our days!
The Pygmalion Coach
Here i am , observing a practice coaching session as part of my PCC certification process. The coach is a learner coach and the coaching partner (coachee) is a class mate from our batch. He knows that his ‘coach’ is learning. The session begins. The coach does a fantastic job of the session, bringing great presence to the session, being a perfect listener, asking excellent questions. Yet the session is going nowhere. The coachee seems to find the session of no use. the coachee is not trying enough, remains cynical about the problem, keeps bringing up the futility of the situation. While the coach is doing all the right things, the coachee is not attempting to take any steps forward, remaining rigid and difficult. He seems to be testing the coach, driving the session to a dead end and soon time is called and the session is closed.
Soon after, the coach is replaced by another coach to work with this same coachee. The coachee is informed that the coach is a highly qualified and successful professional coach and is known to be very effective at helping people resolve issues and has come to the session to contribute to our learning.
This new coach does things a lot like the earlier one, in fact some of his questions are even identical! Its the same presence, the same clarity but this time, the coachee is being very proactive, being more open to thinking of solutions, proactively expressing his feelings, goals and challenges. eventually coming up with clear, not one but two solutions! The session has ended, its a success!!
I was greatly upset at first with the person who was playing the coachee. Why did he act so difficult the first time? Was this a mind game he was playing, settling a personal score perhaps?
But then i realized that maybe its just human psychology at play.
Rosenthal’s study in 1964, showed how teachers beliefs (beliefs and not facts!) about the mental abilities of children significantly changed their behavior with the children and hence improved (or reduced) the kid’s performance. This was also then called the Pygmalion Effect as it is more popularly known. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_effect)
In the same way, i saw that the learner’s beliefs in the ability of the of the teacher/ coach (and not only the coach’s real ability) can also change the student’s/ coachee’s attitude in the development process, making them more open or less open and willing to respond to the stimulus provided by the teacher/ coach, thereby significantly impacting the end outcome of the learning process.
I realized that while launching a development initiative and in hiring the coach or teacher, the right credentials and experience are very important, i believe that the organization’s and the learner’s beliefs in the coach and his/her competence are equally important to get a successful outcome from the initiative. If the organization (or HR managers) can provide the learner with a strong and positive introduction of the coach, believing he/she is fully credible and showing trust in his/her abilities, it can start the development journey off in the right spirit.
And as learners, friends, whether it is your teacher, trainer, coach or mentor, believe in them. Kill you cynicism, open yourself to the stimulus they provide you. Your trust and belief will bring out their best and empower them. At the same time, with your attitude of trust, you will be opening your doors to that power, which will give you the enlightenment and solutions that you seek.
While trusting teachers create successful students, trusting students can make successful teachers…..ultimately benefiting them